Love to Self

Ah Valentine’s Day. A day where I would argue…more people think of what they don’t have, than what they do.

I woke up this morning not even thinking that it was Valentine’s Day. Signing into my afternoon dose of Facebook, I was a bombarded with photos of friends enjoying their day…basically more than I was enjoying mine. I signed off and told myself not to log in until Valentine’s Day in the States was over. Of course that ban didn’t last. We humans have some sort of lame desire at times to live vicariously through others.

I started to get thoughtful text messages from my friends in the States wishing me a happy Valentine’s Day. Most of my friends here in Be’ersheva were out of town. I was alone in my apartment, playing Candy Crush and listening to audio books while I made another bead wrap bracelet in my lap. I was feeling sorry for myself, and doing mundane tasks to keep my mind off of it as if to show myself I didn’t care.

Then it occurred to me (again) that Valentine’s Day, just like many other holidays…is just another day. But more importantly, that I can make “someone” else feel special. Actually make that plural. I am single and don’t have to focus on a significant other. Which was a great reminder that today is a day to share with everyone, not primarily one person.

Yes yes, this post is one of those “I feel sorry for myself” turned to “I am grateful for what I have” kind of ramblings. Don’t get me wrong…I can strongly say that I would like to have my other half next to me doting on me as I pour out my love upon him in gifts, words, and affection. But this is not set of cards I was dealt in this round.

So it was time to change attitude. I didn’t send out mass text messages. I wrote just a few words from my heart to some people close to me…simple and meaningful. I tidied up my bachelorette-pad-looking apartment and rearranged my room’s furniture for some variety. I let myself get pampered with a massage and a few extra chocolates. Then made an effort to pursue the company of people that I normally don’t hang out with but should…my neighbors. And though I didn’t get any learning done from my daily self-taught studies, I learned to embrace my solitude to find that…when you have love for yourself then you can see love more clearly everywhere around you.

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